Randy Hardwick was feeling very down in the dumps. His girlfriend Voluptua had become so keen on bridge that she hardly ever nowadays seemed to have time for those non-intellectual pursuits so dear to a 19 year old male youth’s heart (for want of a better euphemism). In desperation he had sought the counsel of Gordon Rhode, Voluptua’s Aunt Frieda’s man friend.
“I don’t know, Mr Rhode” he said mournfully. “Voluptua seems to have lost interest in . . . ”. His voice tailed off but Gordon guessed what he meant. Gordon was fully conscious that, in the giving of advice on romantic pursuits, he himself was hardly qualified. Yet, as someone who had suffered in love himself, he wanted to offer the best advice he could. With furrowed brow he mused. “I think you should woo your young lady through bridge” he said. “Shine at the bridge table and you will light a star in her heart”. Gordon couldn’t help it; he had become hopelessly romantic over the last few weeks and it had addled his normally clear thinking.
“The trouble is” he continued “you are a hopeless player” (tact not being his strong point). “Remember that hand you butchered last week? You went down in a cold 3NT.” Gordon swiftly sketched the hands.
| ♠43 ♥AK7 ♦KQJT ♣5432 | ♠AQ65 ♥5432 ♦874 ♣AK |
Randy recalled his defeat. “Yes” he said “they led ♦A and continued diamonds. I took a losing spade finesse; South held 6 spades and unkindly returned one so that when she regained the lead in hearts she cashed a bundle of those spades”.
“You were unlucky” commiserated Gordon “but you should first have ducked a heart. You would have found that hearts were 3-3 and your ninth trick would have come in hearts”.
Randy was indignant. “But, Mr Rhode” he expostulated “surely finding 3–3 hearts was a worse chance than the spade finesse working”.
Gordon was indulgent. “That’s true” he said “but you could have fallen back on the spade finesse afterwards if necessary. The way you played gave you no chance to try hearts after spades had failed”.
Randy was desperate enough to try anything and so a slow candle was lit in his resolve. Yes, he would master this game of bridge as a knight masters a fiery dragon; and Voluptua, in sooth, would swoon at his feet. “Mr Rhode” he asked “teach me how to execute finesses with finesse, holdups without delay, and trump management with triumph”. Randy too had been infected by Gordon’s purple language.
So began Randy’s valiant attempt to recapture Voluptua’s physical affections. Gordon postponed bidding tuition until Randy was more competent as a declarer: the only convention that he had taught his aspiring pupil was the 4♣/5♣ ace/king asks. This too little knowledge proved dangerous the first time they played at the club, for the last hand of the night (Randy West and Gordon East) was this one:
| ♠T65 ♥KQ8652 ♦J ♣964 | ||
| ♠A93 ♥AT93 ♦AT ♣QJT3 | ♠KJ87 ♥7 ♦K762 ♣AK72 | |
| ♠Q42 ♥J4 ♦Q98543 ♣85 |
North opened the bidding with a weak 2♥. Gordon (East) made the obvious take-out double. Then came trouble as Randy first bid 4♣ for aces and then 5♣ for kings. Receiving good news on both occasions he then bid 6♣ asking (so he thought) for queens! But Gordon took the bid to show long clubs and feeling he had a little extra went on to 7♣. Just then Voluptua came to watch and when North led the ♥K Randy felt under a double pressure. He won the lead, ruffed a heart small, returned to his hand with the ♣Q, ruffed another heart with the ♣K, came back to his hand with the ♦A and ruffed his last heart. With the lead in dummy the position now was
| ♠T65 ♥Q8 ♦— ♣96 | ||
| ♠A93 ♥— ♦T ♣JT3 | ♠KJ87 ♥— ♦K76 ♣— | |
| ♠Q42 ♥— ♦Q98 ♣8 |
Randy played the ♠J, covered by ♠Q, and won by the ♠A. He drew the remaining trumps and, heart in mouth, ran the ♠9. Success! Rampant with excitement he awaited Voluptua’s plaudits. To his chagrin she was adjusting her earrings and had missed his triumph.
Bridge Romances 
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