Frieda and Gordon were playing an early board of the evening against the Weasel and the Ferret. Their names had been bestowed because both of them were untroubled by consciences, and routinely cheated to improve their chances. Frieda and Gordon had played against them on the previous board and had done poorly because the Ferret had peered into an unfortunately placed reflecting window pane and glimpsed Frieda’s hand. This time the hands were as follows with the Weasel sitting West and Gordon sitting North.
| ♠— ♥K6 ♦76432 ♣AKJT43 | ||
| ♠AQ63 ♥A873 ♦KQJ ♣98 | ♠KJT954 ♥— ♦AT85 ♣762 | |
| ♠872 ♥QJT9543 ♦9 ♣Q5 |
The Weasel opened 1♥ and Gordon overcalled 2♣.
“Look at that!” exclaimed the Ferret pointing down the room. Frieda and Gordon both looked around and as they did so the Weasel deftly altered the bidding pad so that Gordon’s bid read 7♣.
Regaining their attention both Frieda and Gordon saw what had happened but had no evidence. Despite a call to the director the 7♣ bid had to stand. The Ferret duly doubled and lead his ♠J on which the Weasel played the ♠A.
Desperate measures were called for and Gordon rose to the occasion. He ruffed the opening lead and quickly turned his card over placing it in the direction that indicated he had lost the trick; then he waited as though for West to lead. The Weasel was fooled into believing that he had won the trick and, correctly reasoning that his partner was void in hearts, laid down the ♥A.
“Director!” called Gordon. The director ruled that the ♥A was a penalty card that had to be played at the first opportunity.
Now Gordon played three rounds of clubs on the last of which the Weasel was forced to play the ♥A. After that Gordon took seven tricks in hearts and with six tricks in clubs wrapped up his grand slam.
News of the remarkable hand soon filtered around the room and Gordon and Frieda found themselves at the centre of a knot of delighted players who had suffered at the hands of the Weasel and Ferret. As for the villains: they slunk away vowing revenge.
The opportunity for revenge occurred on the last two boards of the evening when Gordon and Frieda were once more facing the dastardly pair. On the first board, the Ferret, sitting South, opened 1♠ and the Weasel, holding
♠QT86 ♥AQ ♦4 ♣876543
had to decide between giving a simple raise or an invitational double raise. Wanting to get across that his hand was worth a bid of about two and a half spades the Weasel found a neat solution: he bid 2♠ but accompanied the bid with a display of the stop card. The Ferret understood completely and jumped to game on otherwise slender values. The contract was unbeatable, no other pair had bid it, and Frieda and Gordon earned a cold bottom.
On the second board things didn’t look very bright either for our heroes since Frieda, West, bid to 6♣ and the Weasel, peeking at Frieda’s hand and holding ♣KQ9 behind Frieda’s ♣A, doubled sneeringly.
Seeing dummy after the ♠7 lead, Frieda felt they were heading for another bottom. She thought “This seems to be a reasonable contract; I need only one of the missing club honours to be on my right; but that poisonous Weasel seems to have both of them. How did he know that they were so well-placed? Still I may be able to manage something if the other suits break reasonably”.
| ♠763 ♥9732 ♦A32 ♣KQ9 | ||
| ♠985 ♥AKQJ ♦— ♣AJ6532 | ♠AKQ42 ♥— ♦KQJT ♣T874 | |
♠JT ♥T8654 ♦987654 ♣— |
Frieda won the ♠A, and played the ♦K. The Ferret went into a huddle, sighing theatrically, and looking skywards, giving the impression of holding the ♦A; finally he played the ♦9. This melodramatic display left Frieda unmoved. She had always intended to ruff and did so with the ♣2.
Then she played a spade to the King and ruffed another diamond. Next came a spade to the Queen and a third diamond ruffed. Now four rounds of hearts the last of which Frieda ruffed in dummy. This was the situation when Frieda played the ♣7 from dummy on which she played ♣J:
| ♠— ♥— ♦— ♣KQ9 | ||
| ♠— ♥— ♦— ♣AJ6 | ♠— ♥— ♦— ♣T87 | |
| ♠— ♥T ♦98 ♣— |
The Weasel’s goose was cooked. He won with ♣Q and desperately played his ♣9 but dummy’s ♣T won and Frieda’s ♣A took the last trick.
After the game Frieda, Gordon, Voluptua, and Randy were discussing the evening’s bridge. Frieda was jubilant at making 6♣, Gordon gave a scholarly disquisition on trump end-plays and the necessity for trump reduction, Voluptua tried to follow as best she could, and Randy was left to a lustful reverie. He was shaken from his dreams by Voluptua grasping his knee; but his short-lived hopes were dashed on realising that Voluptua simply wanted him to recount her own triumph against the Weasel and Ferret.
Voluptua, West, was declarer in 3NT with the Weasel leading the ♠2
| ♠KT92 ♥K32 ♦976 ♣K87 | ||
| ♠AQ6 ♥54 ♦432 ♣AQ654 | ♠87 ♥86 ♦AKQJT ♣JT32 | |
| ♠J543 ♥AQJT97 ♦85 ♣9 |
Prospects did not appear very bright with the heart suit wide open. The Ferret, South, sensed Voluptua’s unease and, in a blatant attempt to put her off, unkindly remarked to Randy “Your girl-friend may be good-looking but she’s just a dumb blonde”.
This ploy seemed destined to succeed because Voluptua was indeed so flustered that rather than winning the trick with the ♠Q she inadvertently played the ♠A. She then went to dummy with a diamond and ran the ♣J which was won by the Weasel.
At this point the defence could have taken the next seven tricks which, together with the trick they had just taken would have put the contract four down. But Voluptua’s accidental play of ♠A made the Weasel believe that the Ferret held the ♠Q. The dastardly Weasel therefore played ♠T and, in a blatant display of the sharp practice for which his name had been won, remarked as though to the room at large “Always return your partner’s lead” thereby informing his partner that he held ♠K. His surprise and fury when Voluptua won this with the ♠Q and then ran off 4 more diamond tricks and 3 club tricks (giving her two overtricks) knew no bounds.
Virtue, as usual, had triumphed once again. Randy, however, had other ideas. . .
Bridge Romances 
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